I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
