its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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