I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
