found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
