I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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