remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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