so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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