fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
