hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
