do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
