why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
