i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
