Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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