he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
