i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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