I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
