just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
