I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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