I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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