New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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