Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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