the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
