god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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