I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
