I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
