my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
