I met the friendliest cop last night
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
