Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
