I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
this boner is exhausting
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
