don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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