I accidentally burped into my bong.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
