Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
