So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
