We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
