WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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