Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
BRING THE BAGELS
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The air taste purple.
Randomize
