The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
