Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
