They should really pass out barf bags in church
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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