so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
