I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
