I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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