so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
