seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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