So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
