I should be sponsored by Trojan
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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