you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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