I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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