Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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