eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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