k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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