Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
