Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
