I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
